I love love LOVE spring time. especially this time of year, when everything is beginning to change. It's like one day everything looked dead and then all of a sudden, you wake up and it's bursting with life again. It is so refreshing to have this feeling of 'new life', and I am so glad to be able to sit here while writing this and say that I am so proud to have what feels like a new life before me.
Each day I am learning how to be a mom. I will be the first to say that I struggled in the beginning. Not the kind of struggling that comes with trying to figure out how to get that diaper on that baby boy bottom fast enough, or the struggle of waking up for late night feedings (that is a struggle all on its own), but the kind of struggle where I truly questioned myself as a person. I have learned alot over the past few months. I have learned even more about myself than I thought was possible. Isn't it strange that as women we are taught that we are such a nurturing kind, yet we are the hardest on ourselves and sometimes each other?
Today I got to spend the morning outside with my little guy, and while I sat there I got to think. Now, sometimes thinking is a dangerous thing, especially when it is coming from a person who 'feels' cooped up all the time. But this wasn't that type of thinking. This time I was outside, amongst friends. I was listening to them talk and it dawned on me that (and i can't tell you why it has taken me so long to finally realize this) I am actually doing a good job with this mom thing. I have a healthy baby who is strong and is learning how to do so many things. I am actually finding the time to cook real meals for my family. I am taking and MAKING the time for myself, and more so than just a shower, (because lets face it a shower just isn't enough!) I'm working on creative projects and completing them. I mean, (hoping i don't sound like I'm bragging because i don't mean it that way) if I was my friend, I would think i was pretty cool. I mean I'm a pretty cool chikah!
Although I have lots to get to, today that did not fill my thoughts. I had so many other great things to fill it with. However, one day, I am going to figure out how to go skating with a jogging stroller...